Who am I?

Introduction                          

In recent years, I've been asking myself and others the same questions: what do I really want? or what is my life's purpose? Although simple, finding answers can be difficult. It has a significant impact on my personality and leaves a huge void in my heart. Many people have told me that I have been a happy person since I was a child, as if I don't think about or understand any problems, and that I am unconcerned about anything that happens around me. But why is it that every time I look in the mirror, what I see contradicts what other people see? It's a distorted, reversed back-to-front image. An image of a person who is self-conscious and who exudes pain, rage, and regret. An image that is always looking for love and care. An image that is strengthened and strengthened by the experiences he has, where, despite the fact that there are many problems, it can be considered a blessing because it stabilizes me.

To tell the truth, eight years ago, my family and I were victims of an injustice system that caused all of our happily built and planned dreams to gradually crumble and disappear, as well as lives that were gradually taken and destroyed. And at a young age, I lost the love of my life and the "father" to whom I could turn in times of need. It's like a house with a shaky foundation that could fall down at any time. It's like a nightmare that makes you want to wake up and wish it weren't true. After that nightmare, I assumed everything would return to normal. But I was disappointed once more when the light of the home was imprisoned in an inhumane and unjust process. It appears to be another nightmare that you never asked to dream, and as a result, my world gradually faded, and I began to wonder and ask why this happened to us.

My family appears to have received an unfair punishment from the wrong people. And after this complicated incident, everything changed, and the happy child with a big smile on his face was replaced by one with ice cold anger, hatred, and revenge. To answer the question, "How do I see myself before psych 101?" I believe I see myself from two perspectives. First, a child who has been deeply hurt, suffered, and lost a loved one, a child who continues to seek the answers he has pursued for a long time, allowing him to be imprisoned in a very dark, scary, and suffocating four corners full of reality and truth. The second is being blessed with the life I have now, with the opportunity to study at U.P., meet various talented and inspiring people and most importantly to continue to dream that one day my destiny will also be according to my wishes. And as a result of the painful experiences and trials that I faced and went through, it became very difficult for me to grow and continue to dream.

 On the other hand, it is very interesting to study how we humans think, where even though we have memories of the past that have left us with deep wounds, we continue to appreciate them and set aside as a memory that often becomes a wick as a way for us to continue to be strong and fight whenever we are confused and lost our way.

Despite all of the obstacles and difficulties I encountered. I tried to embrace what was difficult, finally accepting the challenge, and finally falling in love with the process. Whereas there will be numerous opportunities to lose faith in my passion and believe that it is not meant for me. However, I realize that if I am to achieve my goals, I must have a strong will and not give up, even if I have failed numerous times. I should be more positive and not be moved by how impossible it appears, and I should not be discouraged by how long it takes, and I should not give up because people told me no.If I have to believe for the rest of my life, I will not give up and will not accept no for an answer. I'm not going to settle for mediocrity; instead, I'm going to pursue what my heart desires.

Draft;

Gaano nga ba tayo ka sigurado na lubusang kilala na natin ang ating mga sarili? Sapat na ba ang mga numero upang tukuyin ang lalim sa pagpapahalaga sa ating mga pagkatao?Kung gayon, bakit may mga pagkakataon na hindi tayo makapag pasya o dili naman  kaya makapag desisyon sa maliit o malaking bagay na tungkol sa ating sarili?Bakit madalas ninanais pa natin ang suhestiyon at opinyon ng iba na para bagang napakahalagang parte ng ating pagkatao kung lubusan naman pala natin kilala ang ating mga pagkatao. Bakit ang ating kinikilos ay kabalintunaan ng ating iniisip at nararamdaman.

 

 Sa isang banda, bakit tayong mga tao ay patuloy na naghahanap sa mga sagot na sa gabi-gabi’y nagpapa gulo  sa ating kaisipan? Wari ba ay isang manlalakbay na patuloy na naghahanap sa mga kasagutan sa tanong na sino, ano at bakit tayo nandito? Sa mga nakalipas na panahon, tila ba ay isang hindi mabuo-buong puzzle ang aking pagkatao kung saan ang bawat maliit na pirasong ito ay nagmistulang mga bangungot na patuloy pa rin akong ginagambala at minumulto na hanggang sa ngayon ay patuloy pa rin ang aking paghahanap sa mga kasagutan sa mga ito. Dahil dito, ako ay patuloy at unti-unting nakulong sa apat na sulok na pader na ubod ng dilim, nakakatakot, nakakasulasok at nakaka sakal. Tila isang bulag na naghahanap ng kahit konting liwanag papunta sa pintong nagsisilbing lagusan. Ilan lamang ito sa mga naranasan, tiniis, at pinagdaanan ko sa halos dalawampung taon. Buhay na maituturing ngunit sagana sa kalungkutan, sakripisyo, pagdurusa, poot at galit, buhay na para bang isang roller coaster kung saan mag pagkakataon na nasa ibabaw ka o minsan nama’y nasa kaila- ilaliman ka. Bagamat puno ng mga pagsubok, mapalad na rin kung maituturing sapagkat sa pamamagitan ng mga ito, unti-unting akong nahuhubog, tumitibay, at mas naging malakas at higit sa lahat nagkaroon ng identidad.