Unleashing the burden in my heart: An open letter to someone who hurt me.- BP # 7
It's amazing to consider that each of us has unique strategies for protecting ourselves from harm that others might inflict upon us, for keeping secrets, and for dealing with issues and difficulties in every circumstance. It gets to the point where, despite having a lot of issues, the person will still be laughing and smiling, and you won't notice that he is sad. Perhaps because of our inherent tendency to be happy despite our problems as Filipinos. And if concealing my emotions is a crime, I suppose I can admit that I'm guilty because I frequently do it to defend myself and to avoid having to think about the event that left me in such agony that it's difficult to forget. Before you think anything, I want to share with you about an experience that left me with many wounds that, to this day, I can say are difficult to forget. I was one of those students in high school who was thrilled about everything, making new friends, loving high school life, and attempting new things. But in a surprising turn of events, I met people in my life who I initially believed to be friends but who turned out not to be. The fact that they are my classmates and the majority of them are women suggests that I am a woman and that I have a soft spot in my heart for women. As the months went by, I gradually came into contact with various forms or categories of bullying; I was frequently made fun of and ridiculed, made fun of for being a woman, and hurtful words were frequently said. I fought back after realizing that this kind of bullying was unacceptable, but it went horribly wrong.My parents were informed that I might be expelled from our school for fighting with my female classmates because our adviser had gotten in touch with them. I was devastated when this occurred because the victim might have been expelled and I might have given up on my dream. I have a lot of questions for my classmates as a result, including where I went wrong and whether I became a bad friend in order to experience such a thing. It seems that even after that incident, I continued to have unsettling thoughts like, "What if I run into these things again?" What if my allies ultimately prove to be my enemies? I was unable to fully trust the people with whom I interacted as a result of that incident. I didn't expect the bully to come up to me and apologize for everything they and he had done to me until I unintentionally ran into him. I was conflicted because someone had the audacity to apologize for what they had done to me, on the one hand. But at the time, I was unsure of how I should feel or respond, so I'll use this chance to tell him what I should have said.
Dear, Tamase
I hope everything is going well for you; perhaps you're wondering why I wrote a letter about you. Since I don't even yet know how I will feel, I still want to express the things and ideas that I should have shared with you when I had the chance, so that I won't have to carry them around with me forever and feel heavy every time I think of and remember you. Maybe I still remember something about what happened between the two of us.And perhaps I'm still afraid because I keep worrying that I might have a similar miserable experience when I first met you. I freely admit that I still miss him and that, as a result of the tragic incidents that occurred between the two of us, our relationship was not good. And the hurts you gave me—wounds I'll never easily forget. Perhaps it is true that every word we utter has great power and has the potential to hurt others' feelings and end their lives.
You are the one who hurt me so badly. And it pains me even more to think that I thought of you as a friend who put too much faith in the person who would subject me to painful experiences and events, leading me to start doubting my competence as a friend, student, and person at the time. It seems as though I've changed into a pipe and am powerless to speak back at you or to stop the cruel things you do to me. You left me with a scar that is hard to forget and get rid of from the things you did to me, which hurt and affected me. And every time I see those scars, the unpleasant memories I once had of you and your family start to slowly resurface.
I didn't, however, write this letter to avoid you, make fun of you, or make you feel weak. One of the reasons I wrote this was to prove to you that what you said about me was untrue and would not prevent me from achieving my goals and desires in life. I want to demonstrate to you and others my bravery and how those tragic events inspired me to work harder. Despite the fact that it was difficult for me to overcome that kind of event in my life, I want to demonstrate my abilities and what I am capable of. However, I want to boast that I succeeded in winning him over.
Tamase, I wanted to let you know that I had forgiven you, which is one of the reasons I wrote to you. Not because what you did to me was right or acceptable, but rather because I wanted to get rid of the burdens on my heart and stop thinking about the bad things that happened to me when you and you were around. Considering that I think bad things shouldn't be kept a secret from people for a very long time. I also realized very clearly that forgiving someone is okay, especially if you do so with sincerity, good will, and a genuine desire to help.
This letter is to beg forgiveness for any shortcomings I may have had as a friend in the past. And if I have ever sinned against you or your family in the past, please accept my sincere apology and my prayer that this letter will be accepted as well. This also serves to demonstrate to us the importance of our words and their power to affect others. And it is fitting that every time we make the decision to be good people, fear God, and respect others regardless of their position, gender, or circumstances in life.
With this, I hope to put into practice some of the theories we studied in Psych 101, which are more significant than the experiences I've had in the past.
Self- efficacy Theory
On the one hand, my past experiences have had a significant impact on how I think and even act. With this, there are theories that I observed to be related to my experiences, and some of these theories were already discussed in our Psych 101 class. The first is Albert Bandura's theory, also known as the Self-efficacy Theory, which emphasizes the belief that one can exert control over one's own life. Whereas self-efficacy is a set of beliefs that an individual has in his ability to succeed. A person with a strong will and self-efficacy has a better chance of overcoming challenges (Gorrido, 2023). Applying this to my personal experiences, in particular when I was bullied and developed self-efficacy, will help me overcome that. Accepting my past experiences and finding ways to overcome them, as well as having enough self-esteem and confidence, will help me regain my self-esteem and maintain a positive outlook on things.
Resilience Theory
Another related theory that can be used in the past when experiencing bullying is Emmy Werner and Michael Rutter's Resilience Theory, which focuses on an individual's capacity to adopt and fully face the challenges she has faced. Whereas resilience is not only about avoiding painful things that happened to you in the past, but also about recovering from negative past experiences such as bullying (Moore, 2019). As in my situation, I would benefit from this theory by accepting my painful experiences and seeking support and guidance from those I know through friends, relatives, and family. In that sense, realizing and accepting the past events, as well as having supportive people around you, will help you recover and eventually develop coping strategies that you can use in the future challenges in your life.
References;
Villanueva, A. C. (2013, October). Emic Perspective of Bullying comparing perceptions of parents high school students, and teachers in Metro Manila. DSpace Repository. Retrieved from: http://dspace.cas.upm.edu.ph:8080/xmlui/handle/123456789/1327
Gorrido, G. L. (2023, February 13). Self- Efficacy Theory in Psychology Definition & Examples. Simply Psychology. Retrieved from:
Self-Efficacy Theory in Psychology: Definition & Examples (simplypsychology.org)
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